


you had me before hello

by isse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, F/F, Female Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Female Kim Jongdae | Chen, Female Kim Joonmyun | Suho, Female Park Chanyeol, Fluff and Angst, Genderbending, Multi, Pining, Queer Themes, Sorry Not Sorry, a lot of references to queer lit, baek is the straight guy loool, focus on the ATTEMPT, past krisoo, xiuchen and sekai are side ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 14:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14474493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isse/pseuds/isse
Summary: Kyungsoon was excited for the queer lit class, until a straight guy opened his mouth during it. Although the cons, she couldn’t possibly deny that she looked forward for the brief – but heartwarming – shared looks with the tall and cute girl on the other side of the classroom.





	you had me before hello

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a birthday present to my dear baby, but i'm like two months late (i'm very very sorry ;-;) she deserves the world, but for now i can only give her a fanfic (a half-assed one at that)
> 
> anyways, here's your late present hehe... hope you'll like it :)

“Are you heading out?” Junghae asked sleepily, her voice muffled by the excessive layers of blankets the girl buried herself under.

“Yeah.” Kyungsoon said, wriggling her hips a bit to fit them into her dark jeans. She turned to the open closet to look for a sweater and continued, “not all of us have the luxury of starting class after lunch, you know.”

When she was already dressed into a red and white stripped sweater and turned back around, her roommate was facing the wall, already sounding completely asleep. Kyungsoon snorted and went into the bathroom for a quick and usual morning routine. After she was done, she grabbed her backpack – already organized with the things she needed –, her glasses over the table and a brownish trench coat, for the cold morning breeze was always hard to endure.

And when Kyungsoon was locking the door after stepping out, she was able to hear the faint “good luck” Junghae threw at her. She smiled a bit.

She couldn’t help the skip in her steps as she walked out of the dorm building, it was the beginning of a new semester and though Kyungsoon knew the stress was going to eat her heart and mind out sooner or later, she was always excited for new subjects and new approaches. And that day, Kyungsoon was especially excited for the first class of queer literature. Since she was a Literature student, the girl constantly looked for interesting subjects to consolidate her major, and being able to study about lgbtq+ rights together with her passion about literature just made Kyungsoon happier than ever.

Although having kissed a few boys in her life, Kyungsoon was well aware that her true attraction and affection was towards girls. Sometimes, she would indulge herself a little and let her imagination wander towards some cheesy scenarios, picturing soft skin against her fingers, cute laughter by her ears and deep kisses in between essays and schedules.

Her current fantasies, though, were short lived. When Kyungsoon stopped on her tracks, she realized that her legs took her through the familiar path towards Café Universe. The coffee shop was inside the campus and it offered some part-time jobs for the students to work on.

Pushing the glass door open, Kyungsoon smiled at the cozy and warm atmosphere. She loved the Café, from its dark furniture and dim lightening to the navy blue walls decorated with galactic drawings and cups of coffee; and obviously all the delightful pastries they sold for a somewhat cheap price. There were only a few people inside since it was a little early still, but Kyungsoon liked to avoid the crowd of late and stressed students so there was no harm in waking up a little earlier.

She smiled politely at her favorite barista, Minseok. He was older, already pursuing his PhD degree while working sometimes at the Café like the coffee enthusiast everyone knew he was. He smiled back, his gums showing and making him look much younger than he actually was.

“What’s going to be for today, Kyungsoon?” He asked.

“Hum, the usual. A large latte with brown sugar, please.” Kyungsoon answered, eyeing all the baked goods that seemed so fresh and warm. “And a _pain au chocolat_ , to go. I can’t resist them.”

She giggled sheepishly and Minseok laughed back while preparing her beverage. “They are amazing, aren’t they?”

Although Kyungsoon’s mother always nagged her about watching the amount of fatness and sugar she consumed in a day, the girl couldn’t help imagining the chocolate melting inside her mouth – and that was the kind of fantasy she was able to fulfil.

“Thanks, Minseok.” She said after paying when the boy handled her the large cup and the beige paper bag with a minimalist Saturn printed on it. “Have a good day.”

“You too, Kyungsoon.” He smiled and waved at her as she made her way out of the Café.

The walk to the right classroom was pleasant, Kyungsoon walking without any rush while enjoying tiny sips of her coffee and the still cold breeze from the endings of winter. Since she took her sweet time in walking calmly and stopping to read the new posters on the walls, when Kyungsoon arrived in the classroom there were already some people in it, sitting silently, separately, focused on their phones and immersed in the songs that played through their earphones.

Kyungsoon walked to a seat in the middle and near the wall and dropped her backpack above the wooden table, sitting down and opening eagerly the paper bag. The pastry was still warm against her hands and when she bite into it, the chocolate instantly melted against the warmness of her tongue, contrasting lovely with the crunchy surface of it. Kyungsoon had to seriously hold back a moan of pleasure.

More people arrived by the time Kyungsoon had finished her _pain au chocolat_ and started reading an article on her phone, busying herself with the words of one of her favorite professors. She couldn’t concentrate very well, though, for the growing noise of people talking loudly around her was a bit distracting.

She got into some social media instead, busying herself with videos of tiny food making because yeah, Kyungsoon was weird like that. It was not long after when a woman around her thirties entered the classroom and settled her bag and paper cup above the teacher’s desk.

The noise died down gradually as the young teacher was rummaging inside her bag and taking calm sips of the drink inside her cup. When she turned her warm smile towards the students, everyone was pretty much sitting down silently, waiting for the class to begin.

“I can see we are almost full this semester, right?” She started, taking one more sip of the beverage before setting the cup down. “Well, that makes me glad.”

Kyungsoon played with the pen around her fingers, observing the woman’s unpretentious steps while she introduced herself briefly – her name was Joonmyeon and she lectured for a couple of years already – before getting into queer literature in itself.

“I could start this class giving you guys a list with some really good names of the queer lit but, in some way, lists tend to limit our experiences with each genre. In fact, queer lit is not even a genre in itself, but if you walk into some big bookstore, you’ll probably find an lgbt shelf or something in there.” She rested her hip against the table before continuing. “In my point of view, that’s a problem. That way, society effortlessly creates a stigma around queer lit readers while chasing away potential readers – all solely based on the fact that the book presents some queer content in them.”

By the time she finished speaking, a boy in one of the front rows raised his hand. She motioned mutely at the boy for him to speak.

“I don’t think this little distinction is a huge problem like that?” He begun, his argument sounding more like a question than an affirmation. Kyungsoon sighed at that, life obviously would be too kind to let her enjoy a topic like that without some straight guy making useless comments during class. Of course. Of _fucking_ course. “I mean, there _are_ certain publics for certain genres and archiving them in some way is helpful, not problematic. Like, how would people know what kind of book they are buying?”

Some students snorted at the boy’s remarks, but Kyungsoon only rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, refraining herself from saying something and just waiting for whatever reply the teacher would give him. While looking distractedly around the classroom, though, Kyungsoon’s eyes caught a girl on the other side fake gagging against her open notebook – in a way even more exaggerated than Kyungsoon’s eye roll.

The girl’s dark brown hair was tied up in a messy bun, several strands of hair falling out of it and framing her face gently. Her ears were unusually large, but in some effortless and irrational way, they fitted adorably with her round face. She wore transparent rim glasses and some _really_ oversized dark hoodie, her hands disappearing inside the sleeves.

Kyungsoon never saw her around campus before, she was sure. Evidently, Kyungsoon would remember seeing such a cute girl near her.

Their eyes met and a second later, Unknown Cute Girl stretched her plush little lips into a big, shameless smile. Almost involuntarily, Kyungsoon smiled back, a little bit more in the bashful side, but amused nonetheless. She rolled her eyes again – more modestly than the first time, though – and giggled quietly at the whole exchange with the other girl.

Before turning her attention to the front again, the girl gave Kyungsoon another bright smile, her almond eyes crinkling up with it, and then both pair of eyes were on their teacher again.

“Well, people would know what kind of book they are buying by reading the synopses or making a research about them, I guess.” Joonmyeon smiled a little, shrugging. “But this distinction… I’m sorry, what’s your name, please?”

“Byun Baekhyun.”

“Ok, Mr. Byun. But what seems to be a simple distinction is a way of intensifying heteronormativity, in a somehow harmless action.” She finished calmly and the class remained quiet, waiting for the boy to say something else. However, he never did.

Kyungsoon smiled mischievously to herself at that, hoping that he would remain silent for the rest of the semester as well. Although, with her luck – or lack of –, she knew that was hoping for too much.

“So there’s a lot of things we can cover up in this subject.” The woman started again, not fazed by the little interruption. “We can go from somewhat literature classics like, _Death in Venice_ by Thomas Mann, Proust’s _In search of lost time_ and even _Orlando_ by Virginia Woolf to more accessible and ‘lgbt blockbusters’ – if we can call them that – like _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_ , the graphic novel _Blue is the Warmest_ _Color_ and the recently famous _Call Me by Your Name_.”

Kyungsoon couldn’t help but write down all of the material the teacher was talking about, even if she already was aware of them and read some. Either way, all of them stood listed in a messy handwriting by the corner of the page, for future reference or anything.

The class continued uneventfully, Joonmyeon talking about a lot of things at the same time and Straight Guy thankfully keeping his mouth shut. Kyungsoon filled her notebook with messy notes, the words all squeezed up together in a way that only her, and no one else, could understand it.

By the end of the class period, Joonmyeon was explaining about the evaluative activities of the subject. Basically, they had to hand her an essay by the middle of the semester with an idea of what they would talk about in the final presentation. And that was it. Kyungsoon was glad, she knew she could handle that easily and, that way, the subject would be even more pleasant to her.

“Hey, I… I have a doubt.” That Baekhyun guy started and Joonmyeon turned her warm – almost motherly like – eyes at him. “So, does the final presentation have necessarily to be about queer matters?”

Kyungsoon almost laughed out loud, of course it was asking too much for the guy keep his mouth shut during the rest of the class – much less the rest of the semester. She held back her urge to laugh, though.

What she could _not_ hold back was the urge to meet cute girl’s eyes. It was involuntary, how she immediately looked to the side where she was sat; surprisingly meeting the eyes that already looked at her. When they met, both of them shared a look of disappointment, mock and barely masked amusement, shaking their heads and smiling briefly.

“Well, this is a queer lit subject, so yes, I’m afraid so.” Joonmyeon was too kind for her own good. If it were for Kyungsoon, she would already had given up on him. “Although, I want you guys to have some liberty when it comes down to it… so, you can talk about gender roles, feminism and stuff like this. I just don’t want presentations that reinforce chauvinism or heteronormativity, I think you guys know what I’m trying to say, that’s just not acceptable.”

Kyungsoon started packing her bag as soon as Joonmyeon finished explaining about the presentation and bid them goodbye, wishing everyone a good day. As she threw her bag over her shoulder and headed to the door, the cute, lanky and overly tall girl rushed past her in clear hurry, her bun loosening up with each step. She left a trail of what smelled like alcohol based ink and neutral detergent and Kyungsoon couldn’t help the smile that crept into her face, remembering the funny looks that they involuntarily shared and anticipating the next week for a whole new reason.

**–**

“Ok, but I thought being a butch would actually mean that she was a trans man.” Baekhyun commented during their discussion about _Stone Butch Blues_ by Leslie Feinberg one day, clearly lost. Kyungsoon didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry, the amount of confusion inside that boy’s mind about lgbtq+ community was something remarkable.

Cute Tall Girl – as Kyungsoon started calling her inside her head, for the lack of an actual name – rolled her eyes at his comment and Kyungsoon shook her head in a resigned way. Baekhyun was unstoppable.

“I actually don’t understand why she can’t fit into one of the genders, it’s one thing or it’s the other. Right?” He pondered in that same day.

Kyungsoon wanted to cry, she actually wanted to cry. The other girl motioned with her hands vaguely, mouthing _‘oh my god, why?’_ and making Kyungsoon giggle. She shrugged, Baekhyun was also impossible.

“But the epidemiology of aids really started inside the lgbt community.” Baekhyun said when they were discussing about the eighties epidemiology.

Kyungsoon wanted to shout in frustration at that one. Cute Tall Girl fake puked again, and it didn’t matter what reaction she demonstrated to Baekhyun’s comments it always made Kyungsoon smile and laugh.

“I don’t think coming of age queer romances can be taken seriously.” Straight Guy Baekhyun obviously opened his mouth when Joonmyeon was talking about _Rubyfruit Jungle_ and _The Mysteries of Pittsburgh_. “I mean, whatever discoveries teenagers make at this time aren’t really definitive.”

Kyungsoon laid her head down against her open notebook, looking over at the other girl, too tired to show any other reaction. Cute Tall Girl just laughed and, unfortunately, the sound didn’t reach Kyungsoon. She refused to admit that every time Cute Girl’s shoulders shook with laughter, she wished she could be just by her side, listening to it.

“I mean, how does the person knows if it’s a boy or girl day?” He asked when the class topic was about gender fluidity.

Kyungsoon still didn’t know how she was surviving all of this. Probably just because of Cute Tall Girl that kept looking at her with her cute smile, and her oversized clothes, and her warm eyes.

**–**

It became kind of a weekly routine. Every time Baekhyun raised his hand or opened his mouth, Kyungsoon instantly looked to the side to meet the exaggerated reactions, the almond eyes and the large smiles.

Straight Guy Baekhyun would always say something stupidly ignorant and the two girls would always cringe together, smiling and laughing afterwards. However, it stopped there.

Kyungsoon had to tell herself that she didn’t want any more than that. She didn’t want to know how her voice sounded, if her laughter was high or low pitched, how her body moved when she walked, if she liked to dance or sing. No, Kyungsoon definitely didn’t want to know her hobbies, how she liked her coffee – if she even drank coffee – or how her hands would feel against Kyungsoon’s.

She didn’t think about any of that. Not at all.

Honestly, looking over to the side, joking and smiling with Cute Tall Girl was one of the best things that happened to Kyungsoon every week and she wanted to keep it like that.

So yeah, she was ok. Not itching to know the other girl better, or touch her, or anything like that. Definitely not.

**–**

“Ok, this is getting ridiculous.” Junghae complained while drying her hair and sitting at the foot of Kyungsoon’s bed.

“What.” Kyungsoon answered in a bored tone, already aware of what topic Junghae was taking about.

“Why don’t you talk to her?” Junghae huffed, dropping the towel on her lap.

Kyungsoon finally took her eyes off her book, closing it and looking at her friend in the eye. She was still questioning herself why she decided to tell Junghae about Cute Tall Girl. “Why don’t you tell Minseok about your one year crush on him?”

“This is completely different.”

“It is?”

“This isn’t about me, ok?” Junghae whined. “What could possibly go wrong if you talked to her?”

“Hum, everything?” Kyungsoon replied, anxious just by imagining how awkward she would be around Cute Tall Girl. “I don’t want to sound like a creep and besides, I don’t even know if she wants to talk to me.”

“Why would she keep looking at you, then?” Junghae asked with a grin, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t know?” Kyungsoon messed her short black hair. “Maybe she just wants to share her frustration with someone else. That Baekhyun guy can be very infuriating.”

“Oh, you are stupid.” Junghae got up, hanging her towel in the bathroom and jumping on her bed. She snuggled against her kitty plush, still looking at Kyungsoon in a somewhat disapproving way. “Just talk to her, damn it!”

“Shut up or I’ll tell Minseok about your crush on him.” Kyungsoon threatened, desperate to end that conversation.

“You wouldn’t.” Junghae narrowed her eyes at the other, not sure if she should be afraid of it or not.

“Do you want to test me?” Kyungsoon smiled sweetly and Junghae widened her eyes, making a zipping motion over her lips and uttering no more words.

Kyungsoon laughed in victory, amusing herself with the defeat in Junghae’s face. But she wasn’t sure who really won the little argument, since she couldn’t stop the thoughts about talking to Cute Tall Girl – something she _definitely_ didn’t want to do – that kept filling her mind nonstop.

Right before bed, though, Junghae mumbled to herself “I call all this shit flirting” earning herself a pillow thrown at her face and ok, maybe Kyungsoon could call it a draw.

**–**

Straight Guy Baekhyun had made some stupid homophobic remarks that Monday, when they were talking about _Mysterious Skin_ by Scott Heim. Basically, the book was about a male hustler in addition to some possible alien abduction, so the guy tried to joke a bit with it, saying that being gay wasn’t human, or normal, or whatever.

Useless, unamusing shit.

That only earned two tired looks from Kyungsoon and Cute Tall Girl plus carefully chosen words from Joonmyeon, her reply calm and cold, accompanied by the lack of a smile. After all, it was hard for anyone to deal with that kind of shit first thing on a Monday morning.

After finishing her morning classes that day, Kyungsoon headed for Café Universe, aiming to fit a quick lunch in her miserable twenty-minute break before her shift in the college library started. She was both very lucky and unlucky to get that specific shift that semester, since it provided her little to no time to eat properly, but also because it was one of the calmest times in the library, which gave Kyungsoon a free pass to work on her personal tasks.

Pros or cons, Kyungsoon still liked to get a proper meal, sit down and enjoy her food like a decent human being for once.

She walked through the open glass doors of Café Universe, sighing when she saw that it was packed with hungry students. It was going to be hell, finding a table. Either way, she got into the line, waiting until it was her turn to ask for a tuna sandwich and a bottle of sparkling water.

Sweeping her eyes through the place while holding her modest lunch against her chest, Kyungsoon quickly realized that her fears were well founded. There wasn’t a single table available and the prospect of eating while walking to work was less appealing than running all the way to the library with a full stomach.

Just as she was about to accept fate and turn back around to leave, Kyungsoon saw a long and lanky arm waving nonstop above all the sitting bodies in the Café. And _shit_. Because there, sitting alone in a two seat table was Cute Tall Girl. And the most bizarre of it all was that the girl was still waving, still waving at the general direction where Kyungsoon stood like a gaping fish.

She must look ridiculous. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Kyungsoon looked back over her shoulder, because Cute Tall Girl couldn’t possibly be waving to her, right? Kyungsoon would _love_ to be correct, but as much as the place was crowded, no one seemed to be looking at where her classmate was sat.

Cute Tall Girl’s wave never faltered, as well as her bright, gigantic smile. Kyungsoon was still frozen on the spot, eyes wide. She was definitely not prepared to talk to the other girl, crush or whatever denied feelings aside. Kyungsoon contemplated briefly just leaving the place and not looking back, but even if Junghae liked to say otherwise, she was _not_ a rude person. And on top of it all, Kyungsoon didn’t want to leave the wrong impression on the other girl.

Kyungsoon took a short, wavering breath before she started to walk towards the girl. She stopped waving her arm as soon as she was sure Kyungsoon was approaching and smiled wider – if possible. Cute Tall Girl looked good, as if this was any news. She looked soft and cozy in the imprecise transition between winter and spring, clad in a loose t-shirt with urban prints and a fluffy cardigan. Kyungsoon wanted to cry a little at the sight.

“Hey… uh.” She smiled faintly and fought for the words to sound steady. Damn, socializing was hard. “May I…?”

Kyungsoon asked, pointing to the vacant seat in front of her. She could never be really sure if Cute Tall Girl wanted Kyungsoon to join her for lunch or if she just waved her over to say hi and if Kyungsoon was lucky – _please, god_ –, maybe a _‘that Baekhyun guy is really stupid, right? hey, good talking to you’_.

“Yes, please!” She answered brightly, smile locked into place. Kyungsoon was left wondering if her cheeks hurt by the end of the day with all of that smiling. She was not so used to receive that amount of smiles throughout the days and well, it was kinda blinding. In a strange combination of beautiful and oppressive.

“It’s great to meet you here, really, I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” Cute Tall Girl said openly and Kyungsoon would blush if she wasn’t so freaking surprised. “I’m always in a rush after that class, though.”

Cute Tall Girl’s voice was deep, deeper than most girls’. It fitted well with her high stature and effortless stance, making her even more attractive in Kyungsoon’s eyes. She suddenly cleared her throat when she realized that conversations were supposed to be like a two-way street and she was being creepy, all silent and shit. 

“Yeah, mornings are… always hectic.” Kyungsoon agreed in a quiet tone. She unwrapped her sandwich while observing the other girl not as discreetly as she would’ve claimed digging into her bowl of salad and chicken.

“That class is really great, although y’know…” She chuckled and maybe it was cliché or delusional but fuck it, Kyungsoon literally felt her stomach clenching with it. “that guy could really tune it down a little bit, right?”

“Definitely.” Kyungsoon ducked her face down and giggled. She couldn’t help herself, every interaction with Cute Tall Girl about Straight Guy Baekhyun meant instant laughter, and it was beyond her control.

When Cute Tall Girl’s chuckles transformed into actual laughter, Kyungsoon looked up and met the crinkled almond eyes of the other girl. There was the little things that she already recognized like the way her shoulders shook with her whole body, but there was the sound she never heard, the joyful and almost childlike noise that made Kyungsoon smile softly at.

Maybe Kyungsoon was overreacting because her lesbian dream of having a cute girl laughing with her finally came true, but for real, she had been imagining how Cute Tall Girl’s laughter would sound like since the beginning of the semester and when she finally did listen to it, it was so adorable, and unique, and _sexy_ that Kyungsoon couldn’t get enough words in her brain to describe it.

Over the course of lunch, both girls made small talk over their respective food, learning a little bit about each other in between sips of water and sudden attacks of laughter. Kyungsoon became aware that Cute Tall Girl was a graphic designer major, which explained a lot why she never saw the other in her previous classes. She discovered that the other was a green tea enthusiast, to what Kyungsoon indignantly gasped; and that she was a music freak, playing too many instruments but not wanting to make a career out of that.

Kyungsoon couldn’t even deny to herself anymore that she was way past the enamored phase, the superficial crush. _Ha_.

Those probably were the most productive fifteen minutes of Kyungsoon’s entire life and they passed in an imperceptible flash. Sure enough, when she glanced at her watch, Kyungsoon realized their whole meeting-each-other chance encounter would have to be cut short. She had around two minutes to get to the library and she would like to keep her job, thank you.

“Well, shit.” She mumbled to herself before turning her attention back to Cute Tall Girl. “It’s been awesome, talking to you… but, uh- I work at the library, like, right now, so I have to…”

“Oh, sure.” The other smiled, unfazed. “I’m sorry if I held you up.”

“Nop, don’t worry about that.” Kyungsoon answered while gathering her sandwich wrapper and her half-empty bottle of water. Maybe if she was a little bit bolder, Kyungsoon would reply with something along the lines of _‘you can hold me up anytime’_ , but no, that wasn’t good, old – and shy as fuck – Kyungsoon.

As she got up and was about to leave, Cute Tall Girl called her back. “Hey, wait!”

“Yes?”

“We didn’t exchange names.” She said, laughing sheepishly afterwards.

“Oh.” Kyungsoon laughed as well. Cute Tall Girl became such an internalized nickname that it was hard to let go and Kyungsoon didn’t even realize she was still calling the other like that in her mind. “Right. I’m Kyungsoon.”

“Chanyeon.” She said, her lips stretching into another perfect, full-teeth smile. "It’s a pleasure.”

Kyungsoon put a strand of hair behind her ear, looking down bashfully. The things this until now unknown girl was able to do with her, tsk. “Couldn’t agree more.”

As much as Kyungsoon wanted to stay and talk more, get to know each other more, exchange smiles and, dare she say it, flirtatious words, she knew duty called for her, so better head for it as soon as possible and get it done. She would have to eventually say goodbye anyways.

Kyungsoon walked to the library as if she was floating, her feet carrying her around automatically. She was in an almost numb state, only realizing she didn’t get her number when she sat down at the librarian table. _Damn it_. Oh, at least she got her name – not that it was her merit, but either way, she got it.

Cute Tall Girl. Chanyeon.

Kyungsoon smiled and started shelving books.

**–**

Later, when Kyungsoon told the events of the day to Junghae – because she was stupid and knew the consequences of doing that, but couldn’t care less – her friend grinned so hard and shouted so loud in victory that Kyungsoon was sure the entire dorm building was able to hear her crazy whoops.

**–**

“Here.” Chanyeon said one morning two weeks after their accidental meeting, placing a large paper cup over her desk. Kyungsoon raised her eyes from the book in her hands – _I’m trying to reach you_ by Barbara Browning – to look at the other. “I bought you a latte. I also brought these little brown sugar packages, I don’t know if you like brown sugar, but it’s healthier so that’s why I…”

Kyungsoon was busy staring at Chanyeon to completely follow her ramble. She was just sure that one day or another, Chanyeon might kill her for good. The girl was so precious and seemly liked to hang out with Kyungsoon – which was surprising in itself – and now she was buying her coffee on Monday mornings and the blush on her cheeks was faint but still there and the way her hands were clasped together made her look so _small_ … and ok, maybe Kyungsoon was in love for once.

 _Shame on you, Do Kyungsoon_ , her brain provided helpfully.

“Well, lucky you.” She managed to say, hoping to not get caught staring too lovingly into the other’s eyes. “I do prefer brown sugar.”

Chanyeon smiled, pulling the chair next to Kyungsoon to sit down. She placed her bag over the table and rummaged into it for her cell phone while by her side, Kyungsoon was fighting to keep a straight face. As much as she enjoyed Chanyeon’s company and her neutral and discreet scent, Kyungsoon wasn’t sure if she could survive a whole class – full hours!!! – with her crush sitting at arm’s reach.

“Now I own you a drink.” Kyungsoon commented after a tiny sip of the hot beverage. She didn’t know where the hell did that come from, but well, she said it and there was no taking back.

“Take me out for drinks anytime.” Chanyeon smiled at her, winking charmingly. Kyungsoon didn’t want to hope for anything, Chanyeon was all playful words and confident edges, but there was a glint in her eyes that only pulled Kyungsoon deeper, and she couldn’t help it.

After, when Straight Guy Baekhyun made his weekly too-dumb-not-to-laugh comment during class, Chanyeon grabbed Kyungsoon’s forearm to steady herself while she tried to hold back her wheezes of laughter. Her touch was warm, almost burning, and it ignited some strong feeling of _want_ in Kyungsoon, so much that when her friend – were they friends? – pulled her hand away, Kyungsoon wanted to reach out and hold it back, skin on skin.

Class wasn’t really productive after that.

**–**

Kyungsoon was covering Jongin’s shift for him in the library on a late Wednesday afternoon, bored out of her mind. The boy was suffering from a terrible food poisoning, something with an expired yogurt, so there Kyungsoon was. She had already worked on her upcoming tasks, which left her pretty unoccupied for a while, surfing through social medias and doing countless Buzzfeed tests. Good stuff.

The library was considerably full, its round tables filled with students doing homework and different researches, too many open tabs in laptops and books over the wood surface. It was understandable, since midterms and some essay deadlines were right behind the corner.

Watching others fumbling with loads of work made Kyungsoon kind of proud of her well organized study routine, making her confident enough for tests and not busy at all with essays.

A freshman looking for the bathroom took Kyungsoon away from her thoughts and her Buzzfeed quizzes. She politely showed him the right directions, making the boy thank her and walk away with a small smile. Before Kyungsoon could focus her eyes back in her pastime, she realized that Chanyeon was in one of the many tables of the library.

The girl always managed to steal Kyungsoon’s breath away and it was beginning to be a little bit unfair. Her long, kinda curly hair was up in a ponytail, brown strands falling over her skinny shoulder. She was wearing a black tank top and because Chanyeon was always all large sweaters and long sleeves, Kyungsoon wasn’t the one to blame for never noticing the several tattoos that covered her lanky arms. Black ink blended with some few colorful drawings and every time Chanyeon moved, the barely there muscles flexed and Kyungsoon was felling a little hot all over with all that. There was an open notebook in front of her, but Chanyeon’s eyes were focused on her phone, typing something out.

Kyungsoon contemplated going there for a quick ‘hi’, but before she could get up from her seat, she took a double take and stopped dead on her tracks.

Because there was a boy with Chanyeon, sharing the table with her. Just the fact that he was sitting there with Chanyeon shouldn’t make Kyungsoon stay rooted to the spot, but it did. Kyungsoon was never one for ordinary social interactions, after all.

The boy had a book in his hands, eyes travelling over the words in between glances around the library. He had expressive eyebrows, small pinkish lips and an unusually large and straight nose. His presence was strong, broad shoulders stretching his shirt and big hands making the book look tiny in his hold.

Kyungsoon felt something dropping in her stomach, a sudden feeling of dread she couldn’t quite place and identify.

Chanyeon, at some point, placed her cell phone down and said something to the boy, punching him lightly on the arm afterwards. He blushed and looked down, answering something back. Kyungsoon couldn’t listen as well as she couldn’t look away. Both put aside their previous pastimes and continued talking in hushed tones, not that Kyungsoon could get anything by reading their lips, anyways. Then, the boy said something that made Chanyeon smile softly, rub his arm and interlace their fingers.

They looked good together, she noted. And suddenly it wasn’t just an unpleasant weight settled in her stomach, but a full force punch to her gut. Because of course. Of course.

It had been extremely ingenuous – just plain childish and amateurish – to assume that Chanyeon was a lesbian just because she was in the queer literature class with her. As it was to assume she was straight because of some boy that was clearly close with her. Overall, Chanyeon could be anything, from gay or bisexual or whatever label she used to describe herself to straight or even asexual. The stupid thing Kyungsoon did was imagine that Chanyeon was flirting with her, subtly hinting at something more than friendship. Because it was clear that Chanyeon was way out of Kyungsoon’s league to be interested in her somewhat romantically.

Kyungsoon sighed, full of resignation. No, that wasn’t the first time that Kyungsoon led herself on or created nonexistent feelings, but Chanyeon touched her like no one else did. And it hurt.

She finally tore her eyes away from the pair, looking down. Kyungsoon snorted self-deprecatingly when she realized that Chanyeon probably didn’t even know the meaning of buying someone coffee, for she was too nice.

A few minutes later and Yixing arrived on time for his shift, surprisingly. Kyungsoon smiled at him and gathered her belongings, leaving the library in rushed steps and refraining to look over at where Chanyeon was with her friend, boyfriend, _whatever_.

She walked to her dorm repeating over and over that it was ok, it wasn’t a big deal, but she deliberately chose her sad playlist to listen on the way, so maybe Kyungsoon wasn’t as fine as she would’ve claimed.

**–**

Kyungsoon skipped the next class. She knew that it was childish and that, sooner or later, she would have to face it but, sometimes, she could afford herself the luxury of immaturity.

A week later and Kyungsoon made sure to arrive right on time to class, leaving her no choice but to sit on the last seat available – which was right behind Straight Guy Baekhyun. And when the boy made his usual comments, Kyungsoon didn’t look back over her shoulder where she just _knew_ Chanyeon was. There was no smiles, no quiet laughter, no warm feelings, and Kyungsoon felt horrible about herself.    

**–**

“I don’t get what the big deal is.” Kyungsoon took her glasses off, looking at Junghae with tired eyes. “Why are you attempting to drag me to a frat party?”

“Because.” The girl answered, checking her straight black dress on their mirror. “Because friends do things for each other. They go to parties together.”

“You know that parties aren’t really my environment.” She sighed.

“Jongin is going. I checked.” Junghae ponders.

“And?”

“You two get along. You guys can talk to kill time.” She shrugged.

“I’m sure that’s not how it works.”

“C’mon, do this for me for once.” Junghae spun around; facing Kyungsoon sprawled on the bed with books, penguin pajama shorts and oversized, full of holes t-shirt. That wasn’t something one should be doing in a Friday night, on Junghae’s mind. “I can’t bear to see you sulking around anymore… for whatever reason you won’t tell me.”

“Junghae-”

“No, Kyung.” She interrupted, sitting by her friend’s side and holding Kyungsoon’s hand in hers. “Look, I know that you like to think otherwise, but you deserve joy like every other person. You need to get loose and forget… what happened between you and Krista is over, and it’s in the past. She was the one at loss, anyway.”

“It’s not about that, unnie.” Kyungsoon said softly, although it kind of was.

“Ok, then I’m sorry.” Junghae smiled, not letting go of Kyungsoon’s hand. “But I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while. I’m not saying this to coax you to go to the party – not entirely, at least – but for real, you can let people in. What they are going to see is beautiful.”

Kyungsoon smiled, full lips forming that cute, unique little heart. “Thank you. Really.”

“Anytime.” Junghae grinned back, getting up and adjusting her dress. “So, are you coming or not?”

Kyungsoon thought for a second or two before pushing her books to the side and getting up. She held back a smile at Junghae’s overly excited shout. Junghae was always there for her, so it wouldn’t hurt to attend a little party with her.

**–**

It hurt. Especially her ears.

Kyungsoon clearly wasn’t your average college girl, so the fact that she found the music too loud was probably understandable. Junghae quickly got them drinks, shifting her weight from one foot to another to the music while sipping her cold beverage. She stayed around Kyungsoon until Jongin came into the picture, the tanned boy waving excitedly and approaching the girls over the sea of people.

“It’s not really my thing!” Jongin shouted for Kyungsoon after minutes of no words exchanged between them and the electronic sounds filling what would be silence. “I don’t know why I came.”

“Yeah, I could say the same.” She agreed. “Junghae asked me to come, so…”

“And I’m drinking beer!” He exclaims, holding up and looking at the dripping can in his hand. “Can you believe that? I hate it.”

“What? No.” Kyungsoon looked at him disappointed. “This is the best thing here, for real!”

“You never were a parameter to anything, Kyungsoon. Beers are disgusting.” She was able to detect the slurs in his speech, so although not liking it, Jongin must have been drinking a lot of beer to achieve that state.

They talked for a while, mostly Kyungsoon laughing at Jongin’s attempts to look and speak soberly. She was feeling just a light buzz on her skin, not drunk enough yet to get loose like Junghae advised. It was nice, though. Talking to Jongin by the side of the improvised dancefloor with a cold beer in her hand was comfortable and Kyungsoon felt nice. Not all loose and laughing for no reason, but nice.

“Oh shit.” Jongin murmured at some point, crouching a bit in an attempt to hide his body behind Kyungsoon’s. Which was just plain ridiculous on itself.

“What?” The girl looked around, trying to place what caused Jongin’s distress.

“The guy that I’ve been pining at for around a year is here, fuck~!” He answered. “Why didn’t I wear the leather pants? Why?”

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” Kyungsoon chuckled, clearly enjoying the whole scene.

She glanced around the spacious room, looking for a potential guy that would fit Jongin’s type. It was hard to spot someone you didn’t know, obviously, so Kyungsoon just kept looking left and right like an idiot until-

“Kyungsoon! Hey!” and ok, maybe Kyungsoon was plain unlucky or life liked to joke with her, because Chanyeon just shouted her name from across the room, looking delighted. That wouldn’t be a problem if the boy from the library wasn’t with her. But he was, of course he was, and they both looked _so good_ to be from this world that Kyungsoon wanted to run away.

“That’s him.” Jongin whispered in her ear, effectively taking Kyungsoon away from her stupor.

“What?”

“The guy by that girl’s side. The one that shouted your name and is approaching us.”

“What?” She repeated, too lost to understand anything other than _‘and is approaching us’_.

“Fuck, why is he so attractive?” Jongin groaned, already ignoring Kyungsoon’s little mental breakdown.

To both Jongin’s and Kyungsoon’s sakes, the mass of people in the house slowed the other pair a bit, giving them enough time to calm down and put on reserved smiles. Maybe there was still time to run away.

But there they were, standing in front of them and looking fucking perfect. Kyungsoon tried to keep her eyes locked in Chanyeon’s face – which was a sight for sore eyes in itself – because she knew that if she looked down and checked the other out, she might as well faint right there. Thoughts that led Kyungsoon to feel self-conscious about the way she dressed. She wasn’t super into fashion, usually sticking to basic clothes. Currently, she was in light washed jeans, a simple black button-down shirt and, of course, all-star sneakers. All of that made the girl feel small in comparison with the other three – in more ways than one, literally.

They were standing in a mini circle silently for longer than it would be considered normal, which led Chanyeon – the only social butterfly in there, it seemed – to break the tense atmosphere.

“Good to see you guys here!” She smiled, looking at both Kyungsoon and Jongin. Kyungsoon was a little lost, but she refrained from asking anything, the less words she uttered the more likely she was to keep her pride untouched.

“Sehunnie here was anxious whether you would come, Jongin.” Chanyeon continued, not helping at all with Kyungsoon’s confusion or Sehun’s blushing cheeks. Jongin looked delighted, though, almost glowing in happiness.

“Chanyeon~!” The boy, Sehun, protested weakly, the skin of his neck getting pinkish with every wiggle of Chanyeon’s eyebrow and every stretch of Jongin’s lips. And with that, he broke whatever manly picture Kyungsoon created in her mind for him.

“Oh, of course I would come. I couldn’t miss it, could I?” Jongin said flirtatiously, eyes piercing into the boy’s ones and demeanor changing completely. Ten minutes ago he was telling Kyungsoon that he didn’t know why he came, pff. “Actually, I can come as many times as you want.”

“Fuck no!” Kyungsoon groaned, instantly listening to the amused sound of Chanyeon’s laughter by her side. “Get the fuck out of here, Jongin. I don’t have to listen to this shit, bye.”

Jongin just smiled and winked at Kyungsoon unfazed, before grabbing Sehun’s hand and disappearing with him inside the crowd. And to think that he was crushing on the other boy for over a year.

“Well, this ended up just fine.” Chanyeon commented, moving a bit to stand by Kyungsoon’s side, where Jongin was. “Sehun had his eyes on Jongin for god knows how long.”

“Oh, wow. Y-yeah.” Kyungsoon stammered ungraciously. She felt silly, almost. She felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders, but Kyungsoon had to remind herself not to hope for too much. That didn’t mean nothing. “I guess Jongin had a thing for him too.”

“Definitely.” Chanyeon smiled, leaning in closer to speak over the loud music. Kyungsoon fought the urge to take a step back, put comfortable distance between them. “Every time I was around, it was full eye-fucking and flirting nonstop. Those idiots.”

Chanyeon had a little proud smile plastered on her face, and as much as she looked ethereal and ironically out of reach in the purple blue lights, Kyungsoon was mostly glad that she leaned away again. Kyungsoon diverted her eyes, taking the beer to her lips only to realize that it was already empty.

“Oh, you are out of drinks.” Chanyeon noted, of course she would quickly realize anything. “Come on.”

Then, Kyungsoon followed Chanyeon towards the kitchen, swimming through the people with no hand-holding involved, thank fuck. They arrived fairly quickly and the sudden bright lights made Kyungsoon squint until her eyes adjusted to the change.

Once they did, she wished they didn’t. She was so beautiful. Chanyeon was every contradiction that permeated Kyungsoon’s mind that she couldn’t explain. She was the source of every confusion, every sparkle of lust and all the feelings that Kyungsoon couldn’t put a finger or a label on. She was that warm and familiar breeze on spring, but she was so far away that when it reached the skin, it was already cold.

Kyungsoon stood there while Chanyeon looked for drinks with the fluidity of someone intimate. She stood there staring at the way Chanyeon’s skinny jeans hugged her long legs, the way her arms and hands and fingers were covered in beautiful, dark ink. Just looking deeply into the pretty mystery Chanyeon was, all the while struck with deep feelings of cherish and young love and sadness.

She shook herself harshly out of it when Chanyeon once again turned her attention to Kyungsoon, bright smile in place. There was no need to feel all mopey about the fact that she couldn’t have Chanyeon, she was actually at arm’s reach, a bottle of scotch in hand and a hopeful glint in her eyes. And, well, Kyungsoon would get whatever Chanyeon was willing to give.

“Wow.” Kyungsoon smiled. “You brought out the big guns.”

Chanyeon laughed, that deep and rich sound. “Always. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

And her long limbs were out of the kitchen again, Kyungsoon following her like a lost puppy. Chanyeon moved around the house easily and Kyungsoon deduced that it was because this was Sehun’s fraternity and they were obviously good friends.

Chanyeon led Kyungsoon to the back of the house, less people in the way the longer they went. Despite this, there were still couples making out in the hallways and moans coming from the closed bathroom doors, but Kyungsoon ignored those in favor of focusing on the tattoo on Chanyeon’s nape, two little moons complementing each other. Kyungsoon was left yearning to brush away the rebellious strands that fell from her usual bun, to trace the tattoo with her fingers and to kiss her skin.

But of course she wouldn’t dare.

Finally, Chanyeon opened a door, silently ushering Kyungsoon inside. The room was spacious, a couch and some pillows scattered around the floor. The pinkish and purplish neon lights were on, although there was no one in the room. The old and rugged couch was in the back, graffiti words that spelled ‘ _the best couch in the world_ ’.

“I don’t want to know why this is the best couch in the world.” Kyungsoon commented, snorting. “Or sit on it.”

Chanyeon laughed, sitting down without hesitance and fighting against the lid of the scotch bottle. Kyungsoon followed despite her questions about that couch’s past. In that room, the loud music reached them as an insignificant spectrum, almost inaudible, like you are part of everything it’s happening all the while stuck inside an acoustic bubble.

It sounded peaceful, and it would be, if it wasn’t for the uncomfortable silence that stretched around both girls. Chanyeon served the scotch in two cups and they sipped them quietly, looking forward. Kyungsoon could feel the way Chanyeon was being more reserved around her, like she was holding herself back, and it was probably because Kyungsoon suddenly avoided her during the last days. But Chanyeon didn’t say a thing and Kyungsoon could just wonder.

The scotch was strong on her tongue, her throat and much more efficient on getting Kyungsoon drunk when compared to the beer. The initial state of intoxication made the girl light on her feet, pissed for no reason, horny and stupidly sad, all at once.

The couch was uncomfortable and Chanyeon was too far away, and it actually felt like the worst couch of the world.

Chanyeon kept filling their glasses when they became empty, but her detachment was still crystal clear, as if when they were alone, Chanyeon couldn’t stand Kyungsoon’s presence. Which didn’t make any sense, since Chanyeon was the one that dragged Kyungsoon all the way to the back of the house to a room full of shitty furniture and neon lights.

Kyungsoon couldn’t understand a thing, and she wasn’t really sure if she wanted to.

At some point through the silent minutes, though, Kyungsoon was able to recognize _‘Stop the world cause I wanna get off with you’_ playing through the thick walls and the closed door. Almost involuntarily, she started singing along, lips moving in precision in something just over a whisper. Chanyeon eyes were finally on her, instead of looking forward, but Kyungsoon ignored them in favor of tapping her foot on the ground and finishing the song.

“You have a great voice.” She said when Kyungsoon was done singing. Kyungsoon met her eyes, then, sipping the scotch before answering.

“Thanks.” Her voice was almost lost in between the unwelcomed sounds of the outside world.

Both felt the need to apologize, for whatever unspoken thing was happening between them, but then Chanyeon smiled and Kyungsoon smiled back, and whatever complication melted in the air.

That way, they fell into comfortable zone again, talking normally and animatedly about every subject that popped up between them. It was amazing how they worked together, and suddenly Kyungsoon had her legs over the couch and laughter constantly in the tip of her tongue.

They exchanged childhood stories, each one telling embarrassing facts without a flicker of shame, like they were friends since forever. They talked about their favorite books and authors and about the fact that people really should get over the fact that yes, movies are different than the books. They even talked about politics and climate change in slurred, drunk words and about their families and how they missed their puppies back home.

And surprisingly for Kyungsoon, even in the purplish neon lights that made Chanyeon look ethereal, she felt reachable still and Kyungsoon could feel the constant pressure of Chanyeon’s knee against hers over the couch’s old fabric.

“And I would get so scared! Like every little thing, every time!” Chanyeon exclaimed when she was telling Kyungsoon about her first tattoo. One that she couldn’t see, since it was over her ribs, but still. “I was so scared that my mom would walk in while I was taking a shower or changing clothes and then she would see it, and I had no idea what would happen to me!”

Kyungsoon laughed, nodding along the story. “I didn’t know her opinion on it, basically… Cause I never asked for a permission, y’know? If I asked her to make a tattoo, it was like giving her the power to decide over my body, do you get my point?”

“Yep.” She answering, popping out the ‘p’.

“Well, when she finally did saw it, nothing too bad happened.” Chanyeon shrugged casually. “A little moral lesson or something and some disappointment that I didn’t tell her sooner or took her with me to the studio. Mom is cool.”

“Can I see it?” Kyungsoon asked and it was obviously the scotch talking louder than any common sense. You just don’t ask those questions.

“The tattoo?” Chanyeon asked, something indecipherable in her eyes. And when she talked again, her voice was almost a purr, dangerous and cat-like. “Yes, sure.”

Kyungsoon took a long sip of the drink in her hands, for suddenly everything was too dry. Chanyeon long fingers pushed up her tank top, dark fabric slowly giving place to fair skin. Kyungsoon’s breath was stuck on her lungs already and the girl leaned in closer to get a better look.

Over what looked like smooth and firm skin, there was a long tattoo over Chanyeon’s ribs. Kyungsoon wasn’t able to describe it right, it was an abstract drawing, lines coming together in unknown shapes and angular edges. It was beautiful, like everything evolving around Chanyeon.

In her drunk state of mind, Kyungsoon brought her finger closer to Chanyeon’s skin, intended on touching it. It stopped right before it. Kyungsoon looked up, then, meeting the almond eyes with her trembling finger frozen mid-air. Chanyeon never diverted her own eyes, both of them staring intently at each other, the silence cut only by ‘ _Nothing’s gonna hurt you_ baby’ out there while Chanyeon held her shirt up with no bra underneath it.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoon mumbled. Despite her words, she was still unmoving.

“For what?” Chanyeon asked in the same tone, and her words were so _breathless_ and her chest was moving up and down franticly that Kyungsoon was suddenly out of it, moving with urgency.

In a second, Kyungsoon was sitting in Chanyeon’s lap, clammy hands holding her nape and crashing their lips together. And then, Chanyeon’s hands weren’t holding her shirt up anymore, but holding Kyungsoon’s hips in such a gentle touch it was barely there. The kiss was soft and eager and new and everything and more Kyungsoon wished it to be.

There, together with Chanyeon, Kyungsoon could believe in the song’s words. Nothing was going to hurt her; Chanyeon wasn’t going to hurt her.

And it felt too good to be true. But there they were.

It was with a pang of sobriety, though, that Kyungsoon realized that Chanyeon was not kissing her back, not once she was kissed back. Chanyeon’s hands were indeed over her hips, but just because of an involuntary impulse. All the while she was frozen.

Kyungsoon got up with the same rush of before, mumbling more countless ‘ _I’m sorrys’_ while walking backwards to the door. Her throat constricted around nothing and the urge to cry was suddenly too strong to bear. What was she thinking, after all? She wasn’t.

She took a last glance at the shock on Chanyeon’s face before opening the door and letting the rest of reality enter the room. Just as she rushed out, the last part of the song infiltrated in her, mocking her as the languid words were sang.

_Nothing’s gonna take you from my side._

**–**

Kyungsoon was glad that Junghae didn’t return to the dorm after the party. Her friend sent her a message saying that she found Minseok there and, well, Kyungsoon was just glad that at least Junghae got what she was searching for so long.

And glad for herself, honestly. The silence in their room was heavy and imposing but welcoming, something she wouldn’t get if Junghae was there. As much as the other girl liked to put on the detached façade, Junghae cared, and she cared _too much_.

So Kyungsoon was glad to be alone, not done at all in feeling sorry for herself. She deserved that, at least that little thing.

Saturday night and Junghae was back. Kyungsoon had barely eaten throughout the day, instead she decided to binge watch gay movies, just to torture herself. After too many hours of queer love and too many tears – for the movies or for her on drama-like life –, when Junghae arrived, Kyungsoon was fast asleep buried under blankets and feelings all over the place.

Sunday and Kyungsoon spent her day mostly on the library, doing things that she didn’t need to, but busying herself just for the sake of it. Every time someone entered the place, Kyungsoon would quickly turn her face to check who the newcomer was.

She wasn’t sure if she was eager or afraid to see Chanyeon coming through the door. She could never know, though. Chanyeon didn’t show up.

**–**

It sucked that they shared queer lit class on Mondays.

Kyungsoon didn’t want to talk about it, or even face it. She was not ready, and maybe she would never be.

It was obvious that Chanyeon wanted to be friends with her, but because Kyungsoon couldn’t keep her feelings or her hands to herself, there they were. Now, Chanyeon had to turn Kyungsoon down gently, afraid of hurting her even more and it was awful, just picturing that. It was not okay and Kyungsoon didn’t want to pretend it was.

Kyungsoon wanted distance. Space.

That’s why she once again used her tactic of arriving right on time on class, not looking around to spot Chanyeon or anything, just sitting down and looking forward. Everything Joonmyeon said was lost in the air and time passed in a flash.

Kyungsoon gathered her things in a rush as soon as class was over, not giving a damn if she looked ridiculous or whatever. Just as she was leaving the classroom, she heard the unmistakable deep sound of Chanyeon’s voice calling her name – the way she very much didn’t call her back in the party, as if they were in some cliché Hollywood movie where Chanyeon didn’t reciprocate at first for whatever reason, but then they kiss and make out and everything is perfect and _just right_.

But life obviously wasn’t like that and, again, Kyungsoon didn’t want to face Chanyeon or hear anything sorrowful she had to say.

So she did the reasonable thing. She didn’t look back, walked faster, went into a bathroom and locked herself in a stall for god knows how many minutes.

Do Kyungsoon was a coward and there was nothing in that to be ashamed of.

**–**

The small bites of the cool lemon pie in between paragraphs of _Sisterhood is powerful_ were pleasant and Kyungsoon relished them in the rare Thursday break she got. The music playing through her earphones made the outside world feel distant, and although Billie Eilish wasn’t the best choice for her mood of the week, Kyungsoon was mostly calm.

She was an expert in mending her broken heart, after all. With Krista, things were probably worse. It ended like most friends with benefits relationship in real life, instead of the romanticized ones. Kyungsoon fell for her, because she always did, too fast and too hard and Krista was in just for the fun.

And Kyungsoon thought that Krista felt the same way, but in the end she was left alone to pick up her own pieces. It looked like she didn’t learn anything from it, after all. Chanyeon was the same story all over again, just in a different book cover.

As someone suddenly sat in front of her Kyungsoon looked up in surprise. Once she met the anxiety stamped on Chanyeon’s features, Kyungsoon wished she stayed locked inside the dorm, dealing with Junghae was way easier than dealing with Chanyeon.

It hurt, looking at Chanyeon; and Kyungsoon didn’t want to stay.

She started gathering her things franticly; eager to leave, but Chanyeon was having none of that. She placed her hand over Kyungsoon’s and _fucking squeezed_ , all the while looking so lost and so miserable that Kyungsoon faltered.

“Please.” Chanyeon whispered, tugging, pleading. “Don’t do this.”

Kyungsoon barely nodded, sitting down again. Chanyeon wouldn’t drop it, so it was better to clean that matter and not worry about it anymore. She hugged her book to her chest, hoping to steady her trembling hands.

“Look, Chanyeon.” She started, looking down at her lap. This was it. “I’m sorry about what happened at the party, I know I overstepped our boundaries. Can we just forget about it?”

“No, you don’t get to do this, Kyungsoon.” Chanyeon answered and there was a harsh tone to her voice. Kyungsoon looked back at her startled. “You can’t ignore me all of a sudden and then kiss me, just to drop it right after.”

“I’m sorry, ok?” She raised her voice, just to lower it down again. “I didn’t know what I was doing and now I’m just trying to make this easier for both of us.”

“Easier? Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, I am!” Kyungsoon replied frustrated. “What’s so wrong in that?”

“Well, maybe the fact that you kissed me and then fucking left!” Chanyeon said in an equally frustrated tone, before getting up and heading to the shop’s door.

Kyungsoon was frozen for a second trying to understand everything before she jumped from her seat and rushed out of the Café, attempting to reach Chanyeon. Her tall figure was easy to spot, but hard to reach, only after jogging a bit Kyungsoon was able to take a hold of Chanyeon’s arm and stop her. Chanyeon jerked away from her touch.

“I left because you didn’t kiss me back.” Kyungsoon started, words slipping out in between tired breathing. “I couldn’t stand to be around knowing that you didn’t want the same thing. I was just protecting myself… I know it’s stupid and childish, but that’s how I do things. I just- I can’t just be friends with someone I want to touch and I want to kiss and-”

She was cut off by two lanky arms that snaked around her waist, bringing their bodies close and connecting their lips once more. They moved carefully, as if they were testing this new territory, unsure if it was safe, if it was going to hurt or not. There was hesitance and maybe even fear, but the eventual sucks and licks and sighs just showed how much they wanted each other, how passionate they were.

And all of that because of some straight guy that wouldn’t shut up.

“I guess I do want the same thing.” Chanyeon said when their mouths detached, arms and hands still holding Kyungsoon close. “I thought I was making my point pretty clear during this whole semester.”

“Oh, you probably were.” Kyungsoon giggled, hoping that she didn’t sound too much like a love-stricken fool. “I’m the one who never gets it. It’s hard to believe.”

“I’ll make sure to prove it to you, then.” Chanyeon smiled and leaned down to peck Kyungsoon’s lips. When she was about to lean away again, though, Kyungsoon buried her fingers in the mess of brownish hair and tugged, kissing the other girl in a languid way, exploring all the shapes of their lips and all the ones that they created together.

“Can’t wait.” Kyungsoon whispered cheekily, lips brushing due to the distance in an intimate moment.

“Girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend.”

“Wanna get some coffee now?” Chanyeon suggested, letting her hand on Kyungsoon’s hip slide down to meet the other girl’s hand. Their fingers instantly interlaced and Kyungsoon let the spark of happiness flow through her entire body, just because she could. Maybe cinema clichés were clichés for a reason, after all.

“I was actually thinking about green tea, for now.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is not that good, but yeah, it's what it is...  
> hope you liked it! thanks for reading!! <3 
> 
> (sorry for mistakes, i didn't proof read this enough)(idk if i liked this ending, feels a little bit rushed.. maybe i'll change it later, but i really wanted to post this already, so... what do u think?? change it? bonus?)


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